Unexpected Gossip
by Joram
Summary: Slash - Steve/Jesse. First time.


**__**

Unexpected gossip 

by Joram

"Oh, he's cute!"

Propping up the wall waiting for his dad to finish his rounds, Steve Sloan grinned as he heard one of the two young nurses on the admittance desk catch sight of someone. Sticking his head around the corner he wasn't surprised to see that it was Jesse Travis who had caught her eye. Everyone thought Jesse was cute - even Jess himself had been forced to admit on occasion that he came into the cute category rather than the stunningly handsome or macho - but it was a cute that appealed to everyone. The older women wanted to mother him, the younger ones just eyed up that pretty face and body and even he thought that his friend was… endearing. In an enthusiastic, friendly, puppyish sort of way. Steve was always surprised that Jesse wasn't inundated with women throwing themselves at him but somehow the younger man seemed to end up as dateless as he did most of the time.

Not that his own dateless state either surprised or even particularly bothered Steve. His irregular hours as a cop meant that dating was a hit and miss affair at the best of times and he had yet to meet a woman who would, or could, cope with his schedule. Hell, his wife hadn't stood for it and their marriage had been over before he had made detective and was still working the slightly more regular hours of a beat cop. Besides which, he rarely had any free time that wasn't spent with his dad, investigating whatever crime Dr Sloan had managed to get himself involved in, or just hanging out with him and Amanda and Jesse. There just didn't seem to be enough hours in the day to add someone else to the mix and, despite the obvious lack of reciprocal sex, if he were totally honest he was quite happy with his life the way it was. He was old enough to know how precious close friendships were in comparison to the fleeting romances that used to characterise his life.

But Jesse ... that was another matter. He was still of an age where the dating game seemed all important. Still, perhaps he'd get lucky this time. The young nurse seemed rather cute herself - early 20s, neat mid-brown hair, pretty face, petite; Steve grinned again - that last was a major factor as by no stretch of the imagination could Jesse be seen as anything but short, especially compared to him. Though Jess always insisted he was compact rather than short. _Compact, my ass. _Still, he had to admit that Jess could give him a run for his money on the court. Fit and trim but still short, he decided, just tall enough for Steve to drape an arm around his shoulders comfortably.

His musings were interrupted as the other woman gave a snort of laughter. "Don't even think about going there!"

"Why not?" The woman asked the question uppermost in his own mind. "He's young, cute, a doctor. No wedding ring..."

"Don't mean a thing, honey. Jesse Travis is taken. Very, very taken."

__

He was?! Steve blinked in surprise. What did this woman know that he didn't?

"Shame. So what's she like? Does she work here?"

There was a moment of silence broken by a giggle. "I don't normally like to spread gossip..."

__

Yeah right, thought Steve. The very fact that she said it indicated to him that she was someone to whom gossip was lifeblood. Indeed, if she was the woman he thought she was Amanda said she was one of the biggest gossips in the place. And that took some doing in a hospital the size of Community General.

"...but if I don't tell you someone else will. After all, it's no secret. The whole place knows."

__

It does? Steve snorted to himself as he found himself listening intently, employing all the techniques he'd learnt on dozens of stakeouts to focus on something without appearing conspicuous to anyone else around. Jeez, he never thought he'd be staking out the nurses station to listen into gossip about Jesse Travis' love life. Mind you, he still thought that if the whole place knew about this mysterious love of Jesse's life then it was either a fragment of their collective imagination or his dad and Amanda didn't know about it, else they would have told him. Well, either that or all three of them were deliberately keeping it a secret from him and he didn't think that was likely. His dad might be able to keep quiet about it, even Amanda maybe, but Jesse? Jesse couldn't keep a secret to himself to save his life. He was one of the most open and guileless people Steve had ever met.

"What?" the younger woman demanded, only too willing to while away a fairly slow and boring afternoon with a bit of juicy gossip, especially if it involved a cute, albeit apparently ineligible, young doctor.

"Well, you know Dr Sloan…."

"Oh, please! You are not telling me it's him!" the younger woman interrupted with an incredulous giggle, obviously not meaning it seriously.

Steve silently echoed the sentiment. Mark Sloan would die laughing if anyone suggested that.

"No. Get real. Not him." The suggestion was shot down scornfully. "No, he's more like a surrogate father to Dr Travis. Or father-in-law, at any rate."

__

Father-in-law?

"I didn't know Dr Sloan had a daughter."

There was a beat of silence. "He doesn't. Got a son though, Steve. A real hunk. He's a cop – homicide detective. You'll probably get to meet him sometime, he's around here a lot."

"Travis is gay?"

"Uh-huh."

__

What?! Steve felt his jaw drop, stunned. They thought he and Jesse…? _Jesus! _Where the hell had they got that idea from? And everyone thought it? Well, at least it explained why Jesse never got dates with any of the nurses, he thought a bit hysterically.

__

But him and Jesse?! 

"Jeez. And they're Out?"

"Well, I don't know about that but they certainly don't hide it."

__

Hide what?

"So Dr Sloan knows. I wonder what he thinks about it."

"Must do. I mean, it's common knowledge that Jesse spends most of his time at Dr Sloan's house – and he and his son share the place. Figure he's got to know. Hell, if they act like that in public…."

"Like what?"

__

Exactly. Just what the hell did everyone see in their relationship that he didn't?

"Oh, they spend all their time together.."

__

So? Jesse was his best friend. And yeah, they spent most of their time together but that was hardly a basis for this gay love-fest that they nurses seemed to think was going on. _Was it?_

"…. Sloan's real protective…."

__

Jesse needed looking after – he was forever getting into trouble on his own.

"… touching all the time…."

__

They didn't touch that much. Certainly no more than he touched either Amanda or his dad, surely? And no-one had ever suggested he was doing the wild thing with Amanda.

"…And Dr Travis lights up like a Christmas tree every time Sloan walks in here."

__

He did? Na… he would have noticed that.They had to be reading **way** too much into it.

"Whoa…. Certainly sounds like it then. But he's a cop? Must be difficult. So what's he like?"

Another giggle. "Yum. Big, good looking. Could arrest me any day."

Steve felt the colour rise in his face at the ensuing laughter. _God! _This was getting unbelievable.

"No hope of that though, I suppose. Not with the cute Dr Travis on the scene anyway. Man's only got eyes for…. Oh hi, Dr Sloan, Dr Travis." 

The tone changed abruptly and Steve felt himself slump against the wall bonelessly. His dad and Jesse. Oh man. And he had to face them both after listening to that? God, he'd never be able to look Jesse in the eye, even if it was total bullshit. Perhaps he should tell Jesse… give him a good laugh too. No, on second thoughts, he'd save this titbit for an occasion he really wanted to tease Jess. This would surely embarrass the hell out of the younger man. Certainly had him. 

He shook his head._ How could anyone seriously think he and Jess were…._ No way. Jess wasn't gay. He would have noticed. He was trained to notice those sorts of things. _'Sides, what the hell would Jesse see in him?_

No, it was definitely all their imagination. The good old idea of where no gossip exists, create it. And the more scurrilous the better. It certainly worked that way at the precinct. He'd heard so many wild tales over the years that you'd think there was more vice going on in the station than on the streets. This was just the same. Jess hadn't got a girlfriend so they just jumped to the obvious conclusion. 

Steve pushed himself away from the wall and walked around the corner into the admittance area proper, studiously ignoring the two nurses now busily making work on the desk.

"Dad. Jesse," he greeted the two men with a nod and a smile.

"Steve! Hey, you got time for dinner?"

Steve felt himself freeze as Jesse greeted him with a bounce and a beaming grin. _Oh, Jesus. Obvious?_

* * *

Dr Mark Sloan watched his son in concern. Steve had been acting peculiarly for the last couple of weeks. No, not peculiarly exactly but certainly not his normal self. True, his caseload had been heavy recently but that had never made him act like this before. Distant and incommunicative when he was around and around far less than normal. Especially at the hospital. If Mark didn't know better he would swear that Steve was actively avoiding Community General and, by extension, both himself, Jesse and Amanda. Not that he could avoid them totally, not living in the same house as the two of them did, but something was definitely off. 

And it wasn't just Steve either. Jesse, too, hadn't been his usual bouncing, enthusiastic self for a few days. It made him think that perhaps there was something wrong between Jess and Steve. He thought they might have quarrelled except that it had never happened before and Jesse seemed bewildered by it all, as though he didn't know what was going on. It both concerned and hurt him to see them so at outs. Almost as soon as the two met something had clicked between them and they had become real close, closer even than Steve and Jack had been. And he had to admit that Jesse had become like a second son to him, something he had never expected to happen when he decided to go back to teaching interns. Jess was good for him and good for Steve, too, bringing some much needed friendship, affection, into the cop's life. He would hate to see that at an end.

"Are you alright, son?" he finally asked quietly as the younger man settled against the deck rail with a beer.

"Yeah, sure dad. Why?"

"Oh, no reason," he said casually. "You just seem a bit off lately. Has something happened?"

Steve shrugged, his gaze seeming to focus on a point three inches above Mark's shoulder rather than meeting his eyes. "Works a bitch and I'm tired," he explained.

Mark didn't disbelieve him. He knew Steve had been working hard on a particularly nasty homicide and he could see the weariness in every line of his son's body but he was sure there was more to it than that. "Ah."

* * *

__

"Ah." Steve hated that sound. It was two letters, one short syllable but coming out of his dad's mouth it spelt doom. He heard it all too often when his father was working with him. It meant that that phenomenal detecting brain was beginning to tick and that his nose was about to start twitching for clues. 

__

Damn.

"You haven't, ah, fallen out with Jesse have you?"

__

Damn and double damn. Why did his dad have to be so blasted acute? _No dad, _he though with angry sarcasm,_ I haven't fallen out with Jesse. I wish it were that simple. I've fallen in love with Jesse and I don't know what to do about it._

Damn that hospital gossip. If he hadn't heard that everything would still be alright. It was hearing that that had put the idea into his head and once there he couldn't shift it. He had found himself checking Jesse out and realising that he **was** cute. Hell, rather more than cute. 

And from there it was a real short step to realising just how much of his life revolved around Jesse and how much he liked it that way.

Hell, hadn't he already decided that short term romances weren't worth it, not if it meant spending less time around his friends? And that the most important one of those was Jesse Travis. Much as he loved her, he didn't have this urge to know where Amanda was all the time, to have to see her every day. To resent the time they weren't together, even if it was only knowing that they were in the same building.

And that was what he felt around Jesse. _God, this was bad. Very bad._

"No, I haven't fallen out with Jesse, dad," he answered shortly, wishing that his dad would let it rest at that but knowing from a lifetime of experience that hell would freeze over first. He would just have to hope that he could fudge this, without admitting just why he had spent the last two weeks avoiding Jess as much as possible.

To begin with it hadn't been so bad. At first he had dismissed the gossip about him and Jess he had overheard at the hospital as just that. Unsubstantiated rumour-mongering just for the sake of a bit of titillation. Embarrassing but essentially rubbish. But during dinner with his dad and Jess he had found himself watching the younger man, noticing the way he seemed to light up around him, the way he kept looking at Steve, even when talking to Mark, as though to drag him into the conversation or as though they were sharing some secret. Thinking back, he had realised that Jesse had always done it and that he just hadn't noticed before. He also noticed just how often he looked at Jess and shared that same look. Walking away from the restaurant back to his car he had consciously stopped the urge to touch Jess, to drape an arm around his shoulders. Yesterday he wouldn't have thought twice about it, he would have just have gone ahead and done it, but now….

It had made him think and, over a fairly sleepless night, he had come to the conclusion that perhaps he and Jess were acting in a manner unbecoming to mere friends, no matter how close. Over the next few days, he had begun to pull away from Jesse, feeling uncomfortably self-conscious around the younger man. Especially at Community General where he felt as though every eye was on them, sniggering about their relationship. 

__

They didn't have a relationship, damn it! He was not gay and neither was Jess. He liked women. He'd been married for a while for god's sake. Jesse eyed up everything with boobs that moved. They were not gay. They couldn't be.

He'd taken to avoiding Jesse, convinced that after a few days and a bit of distance he'd be able to look at their relationship – their _friendship, _damn it_ – _in a new light. Or at least go back to looking at it in the old light. But it hadn't happened. He had found himself watching Jesse all the time they were together, conscious of his every move, his every smile. Especially those that weren't directed at him. He discovered that he even hated it every time Amanda hugged the younger man – and she seemed to do it a lot. It was then that the startling revelation that he was jealous was dragged kicking and screaming to the front of his mind.

After that he started avoiding Jesse even more, unwilling to deal with that thought and all it implied, grateful for the first time when the captain assigned him a particularly nasty murder, one that his father had yet to involve himself in. It gave him the excuse to work long hours, to only come home long enough to grab a hasty meal and a few hours sleep. Not that he was sleeping too well. His mind wouldn't shut down. It kept going over and over his relationship with Jesse, interspersed briefly with facts from the case and visions of blood stained corpses. It didn't make for restful nights and the less sleep he had the fewer defences he had against thoughts of Jess. A couple of days ago, after an aborted date with a girl he had met on the beach, he had finally admitted it.

He was in love with Jesse Travis. And he didn't know what the hell he was going to do about it.

Steve shook himself out of his thoughts, suddenly conscious that he was picking the label off his beer bottle and shredding it. And that his dad was looking at him with _that_ look in his eyes, the one that said I know you're hiding something from me and I'm going to find out what.

"Sorry, dad what did you say? I was wool-gathering," he tried to ask casually.

"Oh. I was just wondering…. You haven't been around much lately and Jesse has been a bit down. I thought you might have had a fight."

"No," the denial was quick, "I've just had a lot of work on. Haven't had as much time as usual to see Jess," he added in explanation, sure that he had already told his dad that once already tonight.

"Oh, that's okay then. Just thought I might be able to help if there was something wrong between the two of you," Mark said guilelessly.

"Dad!" Steve growled. "There is nothing wrong between me and Jess. How many times do I have to say that? I've been busy and before you ask I have no idea why Jesse has been down. Okay?"

"Okay," Mark agreed quietly. Obviously Steve wasn't going to say anything else. Not yet anyway.

"Fine," Steve affirmed sharply, setting his beer bottle down on the table. "No if you'll excuse me I've got a few things I've got to do. Not sure when I'll be home."

__

Oh great, Steve. Just run away, why don't you? He thought savagely as he strode away from the house. _You have got to get over this._

* * *

What are you running away from, Steve? The thought ran through Mark Sloan's head as he watched his son retreat from the house they shared at speed. He had racked his brain over the last few days and the only conclusion he had come to was that it involved Jesse somehow. His conversation with Steve, short and uninformative though it was, had only confirmed that belief.

Jesse and Steve were friends. Hell, he thought they were more than friends. Or at least getting there. He'd always secretly hoped that perhaps Steve and Amanda would get together but then Amanda met Colin Livingstone and ended that dream. 

And then Jesse Travis came on the scene and a whole new idea was born. Seeing Steve and Jesse together had convinced him that they were so right for each other. It might not be conventional and it certainly wouldn't produce him any grandchildren – though it seemed that Amanda was going to give him some surrogate ones anyway – but it was perfect. They meshed together so seamlessly. Jesse gave Steve back some of the youthful joy in life – not that Steve was joyless, not by any means but he had a grim job at times and few close friends, and the closest of those, Jack Stewart, had gone, moved to Colorado. Mark had had visions of his son slowly slipping towards dour middle age. 

Jesse also gave Steve something he needed more than anything else, something fundamental to his son's very make-up: his need to protect and look after someone. Something that had been missing – at least on a personal level – since his sister had walked out of their lives some years ago. 

The relationship wasn't one sided either. Steve gave Jesse some much needed stability in his life. Part of that came from the age difference of course but Jesse had had a difficult childhood: his parents' divorce and the subsequent estrangement with his father and he needed some steadiness in his life. To some degree Mark provided the parental influence – something he was only too happy to do even if it hadn't been for Steve. And Steve provided the rest.

Jesse worshipped the ground Steve walked on, albeit unknowingly. And Steve, although considerably less obvious about it, returned the favour.

Mark was also well aware, however, that Steve didn't have any experience with men. Or as well aware as any parent could be and he was pretty darn certain that he could say the same for Jesse. But that didn't really matter because he was also pretty darn sure that they were falling in love with each other, even if they didn't know it yet. He was a good judge of character; he'd spent most of his life weighing up people and digging up things they thought were hidden or wanted to keep that way, and was used to putting two and two together and coming up with the right answer. He had never consciously thought to see his son in a gay relationship but now that he was faced with the possibility of it he was wholeheartedly in favour of it. He was in favour of anything that made Steve happy and he was sure that Jesse was the one person to make him so.

The problem was something had gone wrong between them. Steve was in full lock-down mode – something he hadn't seen since his brief marriage failed – and Jesse was just plain miserable. Something had to be done but until he knew what he was trying to fix be couldn't come up with a solution.

__

So treat it like a case, Mark. You have two suspects. One is uncooperative. So go ask the other. He needed to see what light Jesse could shed on this matter.

* * *

"Mark?" Jesse opened his apartment door and stared at surprise at the man standing on his doorstep. Whilst he seemed to spend most of his time either at the hospital or at the older man's beach house, he couldn't remember a time that Mark had actually visited his apartment, though surely he must have done, at least once.

"Hello, Jesse. Can I come in?"

"What? Oh, sure." Jesse stepped back in some confusion, waving Mark through to the living room. "Take a seat," he offered, following the doctor through, wishing that the place were a little neater. The beach house was always so immaculate that he felt ashamed of his own untidy sprawl and he had to resist the urge to tidy up. He compromised by gathering together the mess of papers strewn over the couch and dumping them on a side table.

"This is a surprise. What can I do for you?" he finally asked, plopping down in his own armchair.

"Sorry to drop in like this, Jesse," Mark said apologetically. "But I wanted to talk to you about Steve." He could almost see the animation drain out of the younger man as we watched. Yes, something was definitely wrong here.

"What about Steve?" Jesse didn't bother to deny that there was something wrong by very virtue of the question he didn't ask.

Mark shrugged. "You tell me. Because he certainly isn't talking to me."

"Me, either," Jesse said more bleakly than he meant to but then perhaps realising how that sounded added, "he has been busy at the station lately. Perhaps he's just tired."

Mark rubbed a thumb between his brows. "That's what he says but I don't believe it, do you? If I didn't know better I'd say he's avoiding us…"

"You, too?" Jesse broke in, a spark of something Mark didn't recognise coming into his face momentarily.

"Yup. He's hardly at home and when he is he's…. quiet."

"I thought it was just me." This time Mark recognised the breath of relief that appeared in Jesse's voice. "I mean… I know I irritate him sometimes but if it's both of us, it can't be …. I mean it's not something I've done. Or at least I hope it isn't. Don't think it is. I mean… I didn't mean… Have you talked to Amanda about this?" Jesse cut off his babblings before he could say too much. Mark was far too sharp to babble around.

"Not yet," Mark answered, intrigued by what Jesse was trying not to say. "But I talked to Steve earlier – tried to anyway – and I get the feeling that it's not her that he's got a problem with. I think it's you." He said it as gently as he could but he could see the way that the statement devastated the younger man. If he didn't spell it out though, Jesse would probably meander all around the topic, not really saying anything and Mark had the distinct feeling, largely unsubstantiated though it was, that Jesse knew exactly what the problem was. 

"Have you quarrelled lately? Fallen out over something?" He tried the same questions that he had asked his son, hoping that Jesse would be a little more forthcoming than Steve, would admit to the problem between them. Instead of answering, however, Jesse came to his feet, pacing restlessly around the small apartment, eventually coming to rest leaning on the back of his chair. Mark could see the thoughts chasing across his expressive face and several times Jesse opened his mouth to speak but then stopped himself at the last minute.

"What's really wrong, son?" Mark cut to the heart of the matter and one glance at his face deflated Jesse.

He sat down with a thump, his head dropping in his hands. "I don't know," he mumbled despondently once more, still denying what he know to be truth: that Steve despised him.

Mark rested a hand on his shoulder for a moment before moving back to sit opposite him. Making a quick decision he decided to take a chance, to meddle where perhaps he oughtn't. Where he had always promised himself he wouldn't. 

"Do you know, I heard some interesting gossip at the hospital the other day," he began casually, watching Jesse intently. Had the younger man heard what was being said about him and Steve? Jesse had never acted as though he had – he wore his heart and emotions on his sleeve and found it almost impossible to hide anything – part of the reason why everyone at Community General were so convinced that he and Steve were a couple – but if he hadn't heard it, he must be almost the only person who hadn't. Mark wasn't too sure if Norman knew – it was difficult to tell with Norman sometimes – but if he had, he obviously didn't hold it against Jesse for whom, despite apparent evidence to the contrary, Mark was convinced he held a sneaking soft spot. Just like everyone else. It was difficult not too.

Jesse looked up at him, elbows on knees, hands still snarled in tousled hair. "Really?" he asked, confusion and curiosity warring on his face at this seeming change of direction.

__

So he doesn't know, Mark surmised, the innocent look too guileless to have been put on – at least by Jesse. He sat back, hands steepled on the arms of his chair.

"Yes," he said contemplatively. "It seems that the nurses – most of the staff, in fact – believe that you are spoken for."

"Spoken for?" Jesse echoed blankly.

"Otherwise engaged. Off the market," Mark clarified helpfully as he saw the bewilderment deepen on Jesse's face. "In a steady romantic relationship. With Steve," he added almost as though it were an afterthought.

There was a moment of frozen silence and then he saw the colour rush into Jesse's face a moment before Jesse dropped his face into his hands, his shoulders hunched.

"Oh shit!" the mumble was heartfelt – and heartbroken. "I'm sorry…. Oh shit…. I'm sorry…. God, I didn't…" Jesse was babbling again, his face still buried in his hands. Mark's heart went out to him.

"Jesse…. Jess!" His voice cut through the babbling and he leaned forward, hands resting compassionately on the younger man's shoulders. "It's alright, son." He ignored both the flinch and the frantic headshake. "It's only gossip…."

"I know. It's not…. We're not…." Jesse broke in, desperately trying to reassure the older man of the falseness of the rumours without giving anything away. _God, how had everyone known?_ Not that there was anything to know. And never would be, except in his own fantasies. And even he hadn't know til recently. Until Steve started avoiding him, going cold on him and he realised how much he missed the older man, how miserable he was without him around. It had forced him to examine his feelings, to discover why his life seemed so empty suddenly, and he realised, to his horror, that it was because he was in love with Steve. And Steve must have worked it out and that was why he didn't want anything to do with him anymore. It made Jesse feel even worse: he was in love with Steve and he had driven the man away – so far away that he couldn't even consider Jesse his friend anymore.

And, almost worse, what would this do to Mark? To his relationship with the man he wished was his father? Mark didn't seem too upset at the moment but it must have shocked him, hurt him, to hear his son talked about in that way, even if he didn't really believe it. It wasn't everyday – or at least he hoped it wasn't everyday, he thought with morbid humour – that a man heard his son was gay. In a steady relationship with his best friend. A man whom he himself had taken under his wing, made a part of his family. Mark adored Steve, must know that he was straight. Which meant that he must think that it was all Jesse's fault. That there was no smoke with fire and that Jesse really was gay. Really did wish Steve was his lover. 

Which he did_. Oh hell!_

How could Mark…..? After his everything was finished. It had to be.

"Jesse…. Jesse…." Mark shook the shoulders still in his hands and then let go, moving back only minutely, as Jesse finally lifted his head, his face pale and stricken. "It's alright, son," he repeated as reassuringly as he could. "I know it's only gossip – that you and Steve aren't together."

Jesse said nothing, just listened intently as the older man reassured him that it wasn't his fault he and Steve were the subject of hospital gossip That it didn't bother him, that it rather amused him actually. Jesse felt the tightness in his throat and chest ease as he let Mark's words wash over him. Perhaps he hadn't given himself away, after all. Perhaps Mark would help him put it right with Steve… convince him that Jesse wasn't really in love with him. Make everything better. Just as fathers were meant to.

He managed a tentative smile, a sickly echo of his normal grin, but it was a start.

"…. Aren't together. But you'd like to be. You **are** in love with him, aren't you, Jesse?"

The smile vanished abruptly along with all colour in his face.

__

Oh God! He was dead.

Jesse gazed at him miserably, all artifice stripped away, and nodded numbly. He couldn't lie to Mark Sloan, not even about this. Had never lied to him before, at least not when it mattered. Sure, he'd done it when he wanted to wheedle something out of him but then he'd done it in the sure and certain knowledge that Mark would see straight through him. Now, however... well, now mattered.

"Steve knows, doesn't he? And he hates me," he said hopelessly.

"Oh, I doubt that, Jesse," Mark told him. "I doubt that very much."

"Then why's he avoiding me?" Jesse pointed out logically.

Mark sat back. "I don't...." he broke off suddenly, a gleam of realisation coming into his eyes. "No, actually, I think I do know why." He smiled suddenly, the pieces coming together at last, explaining Steve's inexplicable behaviour of the last two weeks. He'd thought it himself earlier but hadn't put it together. The only other time Steve had been in lock-down mode was during his marriage – when he had retreated from the problems he and his wife were having by throwing himself into his work. He'd still loved her then and he'd run away from the pain. Just as he had now. With Jesse. It all fit. Especially as Mark knew damn well that Steve was falling for Jesse. From an outside perspective, even a close one such as his, it had been obvious that that was what was happening. Steve must finally have realised it somehow – and was trying to cope with it the only way he knew how. The way most people dealt with it. By avoiding it as much as possible. And he obviously didn't realise that Jesse was in love with him too, although all the signs were there to see clearly. Mark was surprised by that – Steve was just as good an observer of people as he was – but when it came to himself and his own relationships….well, it was always more difficult to look at yourself objectively.

"I think he's been avoiding you because he's in love with you, too. And now he knows it he doesn't know what to do about it," he told the younger man, a sense of satisfaction at another mystery solved pervading him.

Jesse looked at him with pathetic hope in his gaze. "You really think that?" he asked. 

"Uh-huh, I'm certain of it."

"So what do I do? Hold on a minute," Jesse suddenly jerked upright, his fair skin turning an interesting shade of scarlet. _This was Steve's dad he was talking to!_ About his lovelife, or lack thereof, with his **son.** What was he thinking of?

"Uh, Mark," he said hesitantly. "You don't seem too, uh, upset about this…." Jesse trailed away, not sure whether to be even more confused or just more anxious.

Mark laughed softly. "Well, do you know, Jesse, that's probably because I'm not."

"You're not?"

"No." It was said with amusement and a definite headshake.

"That's great," Jesse decided uncertainly. "But… I don't understand. It doesn't bother you that I'm… that Steve might…. that we…" He couldn't force himself to put it into words.

The headshake was repeated just as decisively.

"Okay." It was said with a kind of startled disbelief. The whole conversation felt unreal to Jesse and he was sure that any minute now he'd wake up in bed or discover that he had gone to sleep in the doctors' lounge at work, except that he was sure his dreams had never taken this twist before. They tended to be rather more technicolor and involved Steve in interesting positions rather than his dad. Even the nightmares hadn't included many scenarios with Mark – and certainly not this one!

Watching the confusion sweep over Jesse, Mark took pity on him and explained. "No, I don't mind, don't mind, at all. In fact, I was kinda hoping this would happen."

Jesse's mouth opened and closed a few times as he did a very good impression of a startled goldfish. This was getting more surreal by the moment. Mark couldn't have just said what Jesse thought he had, surely?

"Okay, I'm confused," he admitted. "Let me get this straight. I'm in love with Steve. **Your son.** You say Steve is in love with me. And you hoped it would happen." Jesse laid out the three statements flatly.

"Yes." A smile and a nod accompanied the one word.

"Shit." 

Mark laughed aloud. "I've seen Steve almost everyday for the two years since he moved in here. Same as I've seen you. It didn't take a genius to see that the two of you had feelings for each other. Lord, even the nursing staff did, and they don't see nearly of much of you two together as I do. As to hoping…," he shrugged. "Well, it wasn't what I had in mind for Steve when he was growing up but I can't think of anyone else I'd rather see him with now. You either. Jesse, you are so right for each other."

"Wow. I don't know what to say. Mark…" He shook his head disbelievingly. "I don't know… Thank you."

"Right, so now that's cleared up, we need to work on Steve." Taking pity on Jesse's fragile hold over his emotions – he really didn't want to see him cry, for whatever reason – Mark changed the subject briskly. 

"**Right**. So, any ideas?" Jesse asked hopefully, his own mind totally blank. He had never expected this to happen. He had absolutely no idea how to get another man to admit to his feelings – he wasn't sure he knew how to do it with a woman, either – and at least he had some experience with that.

"Oh, I think I need to have another talk with Steve," Mark mused. "Why don't you come on over to the house when your shift finishes tomorrow," he suggested, climbing to his feet.

Jesse dogged his heels to the apartment door.

"Don't worry, Jesse," he said, pausing in the open doorway to squeeze the younger man's shoulder reassuringly. "It'll all work out just fine, son. You just be there and leave the rest up to me."

And with that he was gone leaving Jesse standing in his doorway grinning like a loony. _Ah, hell, perhaps everything would work out fine. That's what dads did, after all._

* * *

"Dad? Can I talk to you?" 

Mark looked up in surprise at his son hovering above him, a coffee cup clutched in either hand. "Sure," he invited, flicking off the tv and patting the seat beside him on the sofa. He'd heard Steve come in a while ago but hadn't really expected to see him again tonight, not with the mood he had been in earlier. He took the mug Steve handed him and then sat back, watching his son as he settled into the opposite corner of the sofa. A few minutes of not entirely comfortable silence stretched between them as each determinedly sipped at the piping hot coffee before Mark spoke up.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" he prompted, realising that Steve was not going to start on his own.

Steve took another mouthful of coffee, delaying the inevitable need to actually speak, grimacing as it burnt his tongue. After he had slammed out earlier, he had found himself driving around aimlessly and then, once he had discovered that he was automatically driving the route to Community General, finally found himself a bar to sit in. He'd spent a couple of hours in a dark back-booth staring into a solitary beer as his mind went over and over the problem. _What the hell was he going to do about his feelings for Jesse? _

He'd already determined that he was in love with Jess. No question about that. But the thought of actually doing anything about it terrified the life out of him. It wasn't so much the physical, even though he had never so much as even considered another guy before, he could deal with that. Sex was, after all, ultimately just that and he had enough, and fairly eclectic, experience both solo and with women to know that there wasn't much else that Jesse was likely to want. 

What had him running scared was the thought of a relationship and the implications of it, not only on his career but also his family and friends. Well, that and the over-riding fear that Jesse didn't return his feelings, that all of his soul-searching was for nothing. 

His track record with relationships wasn't great: a broken marriage and a string of short-term girlfriends and they hadn't even foundered under the added pressure of what was still considered to be an abnormal relationship by the vast majority of people. An honest assessment of his life, however, had tossed up the fact that he already was in a relationship with Jesse, a close one, and had been for a long time. Before everything they were friends and had seen each other at both best and worst. There was probably very little that Jess didn't already know about him, or he Jesse.

Which brought him to his second concern: the effect of being in a gay relationship on his job and family. Concerns that Jesse, too, would be faced with. Their careers were a major part of their lives, being a doctor and a cop was just what they did, it was a part of who they were and losing that…. But the hospital staff apparently already thought that Jesse was gay and, as far as Steve could see, there had never been any repercussions. One of them would have surely noticed that. Which left his own job. Being a gay cop was always reputed to be an almost impossible situation to be in but officially the PD could take no action, particularly as his partner was not on the force. Unofficially, harassment was a potential hazard but it was something he decided he was prepared to deal with. 

At which point another thought had suddenly crossed his mind – the station was no less of a gossip-shop than the hospital, perhaps more so. It wasn't inconceivable then that his colleagues, like Jesse's, already thought they were together. Jess was almost as frequent a visitor to the station as he was to Community General. If that were so it meant he didn't have anything to worry about either.

A couple of hours in the bar and a great deal of hard thought later, Steve had concluded that he was prepared to deal with any consequences and problems that might arise if only he could be with Jesse. Which left two problems: One, family and, secondly, most important of all, did Jess love him, too?

Which were two questions he didn't know how to answer. And the only person he could think of that might be able to help was his dad. That conclusion reached, he had left the bar, beer still undrunk, and then proceeded to drive around aimlessly for almost another hour before forcing himself to go home.

__

Just how did you talk to your dad about your love-life? Especially when it was a gay relationship.

He took a deep breath. _Here goes._

"Dad, I've got a problem and I don't know what to do." _State the obvious, why don't you, Steve?_ he thought bitingly as he tried to screw up the nerve to say more. Mark Sloan was probably one of the least prejudiced people he had ever met but knowing that didn't matter this any easier.

"Let me guess - Jesse." It was a simple statement and it took the wind right out of Steve's sails.

"Jesse," he acknowledged ruefully. "That obvious, huh?" He wasn't sure whether to be grateful to his dad for bringing it up or embarrassed that he needed to be coaxed like a five year old - a five year old who had fallen out with his bestest friend in the world and who had run home to daddy to make it better. _Jesus, he felt pathetic sometimes._

Mark nodded. "Fraid so. You've been avoiding him and Jesse has been miserable, too."

__

He had? That was news to Steve and it made him feel vaguely ashamed. He'd been so wrapped up in himself, wrestling with his feelings and fears, that he hadn't noticed Jesse or that anything was wrong with him. He'd just assumed that Jess had been going along as normal, a bit quieter than usual, perhaps, but that was all. The fact that Jesse had been miserable, however, also gave him a ray of hope that perhaps his feelings weren't so one-sided after all.

"Yeah, well, it's not a problem with Jesse exactly," he started, still not sure how exactly to put it into words. _Dad, I'm in love with Jesse_ still seemed a bit blunt somehow. "More like, about Jesse and me. Our relationship. What it is... where it's going." The last was said almost inaudibly as Steve once more hid behind his coffee mug.

"Steve, you do know that I would never stand in the way of you being happy, don't you? No matter how unconventional a relationship was," Mark told him sincerely. _Surely Steve must know by know that his children's happiness was paramount to him?_

Steve stared at him through narrowed eyes over the top of his mug. _He couldn't know, could he?_

"Dad, what are you trying to say?" he asked sharply.

Mark just looked at him. _Couldn't either of them just come out and say it?_ Steve wasn't a child anymore but he ought to know that he could still say anything to him and that Mark wouldn't judge him for it, would support him in every way he could. 

__

Oh God, he was going to have to say it. Putting his mug firmly down on the table, well out of fiddling reach, Steve gritted his teeth and forced himself to say it, looking anywhere but at his father as he did so.

"I love him. Jesse."

The moment before Mark replied was one of the longest and most anxious in Steve's life.

"I know," Mark replied calmly and was interested to note that when Steve's head whipped round to face him that he did almost as good an impression of a startled goldfish as Jesse. Turned the same interesting shade of red, too.

"You know," Steve echoed blankly. "Dad, I don't think you get it. I don't just love Jess, I'm in love with him."

"I know," Mark repeated. Seeing the stupefaction still written clear on his son's face he shuffled along the sofa and laid a reassuring hand on Steve's arm. "Did you really think it would bother me?"

"I... er... I..." Steve fumbled for words. "Well, yeah. The thought had crossed my mind," he admitted. "Jesse's not exactly the normal sort of date I bring home," he added ironically.

"No, he's not," Mark agreed. "For a start I like him a lot better than your normal sort..."

The grin they shared was free from any strain but Steve still felt somewhat incredulous. He couldn't believe he was having this conversation with his dad. 

"... and I know he won't break your heart. He's head over heels in love with you too."

"He is?" Steve asked, hope warring with uncertainty in his tone.

Mark looked at him with fond indulgence. "Of course he is."

"You're sure?"

"Have you ever known me to be wrong?" he asked rhetorically. "Okay, don't answer that," he added hastily seeing Steve open his mouth. "Just trust me on this. Jesse is in love with you, no question about it."

Mark was amused to see Steve bounce up from the sofa, a big grin stretching across his face and start to pace around as though he couldn't bear to sit still any longer. He couldn't remember seeing Steve quite so up in a long time.

"Keys... keys..." Steve muttered to himself, patting at his pockets, his only thought to get to Jesse now.

"Ah, Steve, where are you going?"

Steve looked at him as though it were obvious. "To Jesse's."

"Then I'd wait until tomorrow if I were you. Jesse's got the long shift tomorrow and it's well after midnight now," he explained as Steve continued to look at him.

Steve looked at his watch sheepishly. "Ah, yeah. You might be right there." 

"If you can wait til tomorrow..." Mark couldn't help the little dig. "I'll ask Jesse to come over here once his shift is over. You can talk then. Or whatever," he added with a barely concealed smirk.

"Dad!" Steve glared at him but couldn't help his lips twitching with laughter. "I'm going to bed," he decided, knowing that he had a long day at work himself tomorrow but more so that he could hug the knowledge that tomorrow he could be hugging Jesse instead.

He paused at the doorway. "Thanks, dad."

* * *

"Hey, Jess."

Squinting against the evening sunshine, Jesse looked around as he heard his name called and saw Steve coming across the beach towards him. The cop had obviously just got off duty because he was still wearing his work clothes, his gun holstered at his waist.

"Hi." He smiled back as the older man stopped a few feet behind him, feeling unaccountably shy and awkward, nerves threatening to gag him now that Steve was here. Not that he hadn't been feeling nervous all day, because he had. For once it had been a reasonably quiet day at Community General, no major disasters or emergencies cropping up, a day spent on patient care and follow-ups for the most part, but Jesse didn't know whether he was relieved by that or not. 

Despite, or perhaps because of the impending meeting with Steve today – _God, it sounds like a trip to the firing squad_ – he'd got precious little decent sleep the previous night. His talk with Mark had disturbed all the emotions that he thought he'd begun to deal with and turned them all on their head, leaving him swinging between painful hope, visions of rosy futures and absolute, panicked terror. He'd half hoped that a busy day in the hospital would push all his anxieties out of his head for a few hours but he was self-aware enough to know that his fretting would probably have been detrimental to his work so that a quiet day, although leaving plenty of time to think, was probably no bad thing.

And fret he had. Heading back to his apartment to change after his shift ended, he had almost given into the temptation to lock the door and stay hidden there, an impulse that had risen again when he turned into Mark's driveway and realised that Steve wasn't yet home. It was what had driven him out here onto the beach, the place he always headed to when he was in trouble or needed space to think. Something about the water and the long stretch of sand calmed him and helped put his problems in perspective. 

And it was the one place Steve always found him. He'd lost count of the number of times Steve had followed him down to the beach and with a few words, sometimes only a sympathetic ear and a one-armed hug, had made things all right. Maybe not solved the problem but it had never failed to make Jesse feel better about it. He just hoped that this time would be the same. That Mark had been right.

They stood looking at each other awkwardly for a minute, neither knowing quite where to start and then Jesse broke the silence, unable to take it any longer.

"So," he said too brightly, "how's the case going?" _Oh, great opener, Jess._

"Ah… okay," Steve answered blankly, ignoring the fact that the case was going nowhere as irrelevant. At that moment in time he didn't give a damn about the case or anything, except Jesse.

"Oh, good." Jesse turned away, hands thrust into pockets, desperately trying to find the words to say something, anything, to Steve. It had all seemed so easy in his mind last night, he'd visualised this scene so many times. He had this whole great script worked out, all the elegant phrases designed to declare undying love and to hear Steve return it – and here he was, hiding out on the beach unable to even string even a normal conversation together.

Steve cleared his throat. "There's something I want to talk to you about. Do you wanna…" he gestured towards the house as Jesse looked at him.

"Sure." 

As Jesse walked past him, Steve wanted to drop an arm around his shoulders but he didn't dare touch Jesse yet. Seeing him on the beach, a slim, solitary figure against a backdrop of sea and late sun had stirred him more than he wanted to think about now and the urge to grab Jess in his arms and kiss him senseless right out in the open where anyone could see them was almost irresistible. But first they needed to talk and he needed to know, from Jesse himself, whether he would be welcome to do that.

As they reached the beach house, Jesse stayed out on the deck, leaning against the rail as Steve went inside to dump his gun and his badge on a table before coming to stand in the doorway.

"Jesse…."

"Steve…."

They spoke together and then stopped, staring at each other once more until Jesse gestured for Steve to continue, secretly grateful not to have to say anything just yet. "You first."

Steve took a steadying breath. "I've been a bit… pre-occupied this last couple of weeks. I wanted to say I'm sorry for, well, not being around much, for ignoring you."

Jesse shrugged, not really wanting to dwell on the last week. "That's okay. I understand. You've been busy..."

"That's no excuse. The truth is, I was avoiding you deliberately," Steve admitted shamefacedly, feeling even more of a heel as he saw Jesse flinch. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you but I had some things on my mind and I needed to think about them."

"And you didn't want me around distracting you," Jesse concluded for him, feeling his heart sink.

"Well, yeah but, well, not the way that sounded," Steve hastened to explain. He moved forward and leant on the rail beside Jesse, wanting to be close enough to touch but settling at arms' length. "I heard some things that threw me and I needed to get it straight in my head. Things about you and me."

Jesse looked away, unwilling to meet his eyes, gazing out blankly over the beach. "Things you heard at the hospital?" he asked almost inaudibly, knowing the answer already but praying that it wasn't so. He didn't mind it really but it was just…. Embarrassing really, knowing they were being talked about. Their love-life dissected over coffee and chocolate digestives. Especially as they didn't have one. Yet.

Steve nodded. "Yeah."

"Oh."

"I take it you heard, too."

"Mark told me...."

"Dad told you?!" Steve wasn't sure whether to be incredulous or embarrassed. _His dad had known?_

"I'm sorry...."

"Don't be," Steve broke in quickly, shelving the topic of his dad for later consideration. Much later. Sorry was the last thing he wanted Jesse to be. "Thing is, it made me think, hearing what everyone was saying about us. Made me face something I didn't want to deal with."

"That's okay, Steve. You don't have to say anything else..." Jesse interrupted him again hastily, not wanting to hear Steve say anything more. He'd said enough, he didn't want to hear the __Well, Jesse I know you love me but_…_ speech that he was sure Steve was building up to. He could live with it so long as Steve didn't actually say the words. Mark had obviously been mistaken about Steve's feelings. He shifted, pushing himself away from the rail, telling himself that the tight feeling in his throat wasn't really tears. This was not how he'd imagined this. Steve was supposed to sweep in and tell him that he loved him, that he wanted a relationship, a forever kind of relationship, not hover awkwardly half way across the deck and say that he was facing something he didn't want to deal with.

"Jesse, hold on," Steve said quickly, not caring that it sounded like begging. "Just hear me out, okay. Please?" _God, please don't let him walk out on me now._

After a long moment Jesse subsided back against the rail and Steve let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding. 

"Thanks," he said softly. "I have to tell you…. I was such a bastard because I realised that... that... Hell," he stumbled over saying it. He knew that he loved Jess and he was pretty damn certain that Jesse was in love with him ,too, but there was still this niggling doubt. What if he had been deluding himself? Reading more into it than there really was? Jesse was young, enthusiastic, especially about people he was close to. Perhaps he hadn't meant his behaviour to show what it had.... But he'd come this far. Even if it turned out to be false hope, he had to know whether Jesse returned his feelings. And if he didn't, well then at least he would know and he could start planning how to deal with it. How to keep Jesse in his life if only as friends.

"I love you, Jesse. I'm in love with you." He waited for a response but Jesse said nothing, just stared at him with a dumbstruck expression on his face. "It scared the shit out of me," Steve continued after a moment. "I've never even so much a looked at another guy before and it really spooked me. I didn't know what to do to make it go away. Or even if I wanted it to." He sneaked another look at Jesse. "Say _something,_ Jesse," he pleaded.

Jesse finally turned to face him properly. "You love me," he echoed, staring at Steve as though he didn't believe what he was hearing.

Steve moved closed, reaching out and daring to cup his face momentarily, a thumb rubbing down his cheekbone before being withdrawn. "I love you. You're.... Jess, I don't know what you are but when I tried to stay away from you... I don't know, it felt like I was only half alive. I missed you. Hell, I couldn't get you out of my mind, kept thinking about you all the time. Even when I was trying to figure the case out," he added with a whimsical smile.

"No wonder it took you so long," Jesse shot at him, the faint smile on his face gradually expanding until he was beaming at the other man, hardly believing what he was finally hearing. Steve could almost see him beginning to bounce.

"Jess," he prompted, finally certain that he hadn't read it wrong, that Jesse did love him too. "Something you want to tell me?"

"Oh, this is good… great. I mean, I know your dad said that, well, you know but... I never really thought..."

"Jess!" Despite his anxiety, Steve laughed. It was really good to see Jesse back to normal. Although he had been trying to avoid the younger man, he had noticed that Jesse had been subdued, not his normal happy self. He just hadn't connected it with him, though, until his dad's not so subtle prompting made him realise it.

"What? Oh, yeah." The grin faded, leaving Jesse serious once more, though Steve thought he could detect a hint of a sappy smile peaking through. "You mean this love thing?" he teased.

Steve nodded. "That's the one," he replied light-heartedly, smile widening as he felt Jesse's hand coming to rest on his arm.

"Scared the shit out of me, too," Jesse admitted. "It still scares the hell out me. I thought you'd discovered how I felt – that I loved you, and I do by the way," he added, the smile breaking out in full again. "Just thought I'd better tell you that now," he teased, a faint blush tingeing his cheeks. "You know, I don't think I've ever said that to anyone and really meant it before."

"Good." Steve interjected possessively.

"Of course, none of them were my best friends either. But, then again, they were all women and…."

"Jesse," Steve growled, a hand coming up to cover his friend's mouth, cutting off the nervous torrent of words. "Will you just shut up and let me kiss you?"

That shut the younger man up far more effectively than Steve's hand – much though he appreciated the feeling of it caressing his face. He smiled beneath the fingers, trying to still his nerves, and nodded. _How different could kissing a man be, for Gods sake?_

"Have you ever….?" Steve asked softly, understanding all to well the mix of emotions he could see in Jesse's face. The desire, the love – plenty of both but mixed with uncertainty and the plain terror of starting a new relationship, especially one so unfamiliar as this.

"No," Jesse said in a small voice. "But I want to. I **really** want to!"

"Me, too," Steve murmured and bent down for the kiss, feeling Jesse's hands clutching at his shoulders as the shorter man reached up.

As kisses went it was nothing special, they'd both had better before. The earth didn't glow, nor did it disappear in a sparkling haze – they were both too unsure, too tentative for that – but for all that it meant more to both of them than probably any other kiss had before, except maybe their very first. It was sweet and caring and spoke more of love than desire but that didn't particularly bother either of them: they both knew the desire was there.

They pulled apart minutely, still touching down the length of their bodies, each measuring just how much their lives had changed in that brief moment, and then by unspoken mutual consent they leaned back in to kiss again. This time the hesitancy was missing and mouths and hands roved with greater abandon, exciting tingles of desire in their wake that grew into infernos. 

"Wow!" Steve breathed as the kiss finally ended, hands clutching onto Jesse's back as though to keep himself upright as he enfolded the smaller man in his arms, unwilling to let go.

Jesse's grin echoed the amusement, and the feeling. "Yep." He leaned away from Steve slightly, breaking the tight hold a little but only far enough so that he could look at the other man, hand following eyes as they skimmed down the well-muscled body. "I'm really glad Mark was right about this." 

Steve retained just about enough mind to raise an eyebrow interrogatively. At this moment, with Jesse's hands wandering down his body he didn't think he could manage words to well.

Jesse had the grace to blush slightly. "I, er, sorta told him I was in love with you," he admitted, "and asked his advice." Failing to mention that the confession had not been altogether voluntary and the advice had been given regardless.

Steve chuckled. His dad had been busy. _Dr Mark Sloan to the rescue of the clueless again. _He'd tell Jesse about his own confession later, and about hearing the gossip at Community General - he had no doubt that Jesse would find it amusing now, too. But right now he could think of better things to do. 

Much better. And most of it didn't involve talking.

Feeling suddenly short of breath, Steve trapped the wandering hand before it could go too far. "And speaking of dad, how about taking this downstairs. I really, really don't want him walking in on this!"

* * *

Sometime much later:

From somewhere above him Steve heard a door slam and he vaguely registered that it must be his dad coming in but he was rather more interested in what Jesse's mouth was doing to his neck. The sound, however, also registered with Jesse and he lifted his head, leaning up on one elbow over Steve, a wicked look coming into his eyes.

"Er, Steve... there's one thing I think I should mention here. You do know that I'm only doing this so I can get to call Mark dad, don't you?"

Steve laughed aloud.

Shamelessly eavesdropping at the top of the stairs leading to his son's part of the house, Mark Sloan smiled.

__

Another job well done.

… end. 

January 2001


End file.
